Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
