I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
