im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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