Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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