I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
