Small penises have feelings too.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
