I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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