Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't deserve a penis
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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