Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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