Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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