The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
