So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
