dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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