I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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