And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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