Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
