I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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