Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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