You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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