Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
