Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
