You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
