grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
