everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
