drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
