I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
