u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
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Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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