I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
