It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
