she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
