Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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