I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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