is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
