I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
