I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
