I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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