Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
