are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
