can u get pink eye on your cock?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
