then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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