I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
