i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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