I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize