Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize