shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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