apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
