The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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