I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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