i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
