brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize