they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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