Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
