I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
