Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
jump out the window naked night went bad
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
