im about as happy as oj after his trial
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
