i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
