I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I checked into jail on foursquare
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
