ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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