I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
