tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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