Fine. I'll sleep in my office
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
