I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize