I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
