did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
