Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
