I want to stick my p in your. b.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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