just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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