Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Houston, we have a blender
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
