Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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