Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
